That's how busy I am

Having neglected "expressions" for almost a year and concentrate on other things that mattered...I've forgotten how it all began.

Well, to briefly document the 'lost period', let me remind myself what happened:

1 - Concentrated on studies. I found a deep interest in the field of public policy and public management. These subjects challange me and allow me to engage in studies as never before. I hope to build a career in this field one day (Doubt if there is a 'real' market for apolitical policy analysts in Putrajaya). Guess I'll be plying my trade in the government of my adoptive country then.

2 - Got married. Yes, between June - Dec 2007 in addition to school stuff, the mind was on going home and getting hitched. It was good to be home. It was even better to get everything thing done and over with. Despite all the hitch and hiccups and our idiot of a wedding planner (Poor decision there) I was glad it was all over by the time IR and I left for Kuching.

3 - Surrounded by family and living in KL. After 18 months away from home, it was good to catch up with family. I took it as an extended vacation and preparing myself for the journey that lay ahead. It was good to spend a whole evening with my (as I learned) football-mad newphews. It was good to catch up with old friends too like Jimmy, Faz and Ariq. But time being the most precious of all commodity was a luxury. Eventually my trip came to an end and I soon heading back to reality.

4 - Back to school. School.....how I regret it. Well, that's all I can afford to say now. Come Nov 08 it'll be all over, I've awoken from my nightmare for a brief minute or two and then pissed out of my skull. Really,really pissed out of my skull. Why you might ask? Well....Honours is a challange. No bullshit about it. I knew it and that's exactly why I've signed up for it. I was looking for a challange. I wanted to challange myself and earn a career in the public service. I was bored where I was last year. No, that's not for me. Life's too short for that nonsense. So, here I am almost mid-way through but barely sane and keeping up with school. Thank god the class is made of some really funny and brilliant mates...all on the same ship travelling the choppy waters of publ honours. Hmm...if I'm sober enough, perhaps come Dec you might catch me signing myself up for Masters. But that's another story.....

A long road ahead

--The race is long...in the end it's only with yourself--

M. Schmich (1997) "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" Chicago Tribue

Sometimes I find myself pondering what lies ahead in my life. The vision is constantly vague and blur as I’m sure it is for all of us. But admit it, we all ponder about it every now and again right?

I recently participated in the annual Harbour Capital run in Wellington – the 10K category – something I wouldn’t imagine myself doing a year ago. I did it, completed it and safe to say I didn’t come in last! I did it in an hour and 10 minutes. Not bad for a couch-potato smoker eh?

It’s only the second distance running event in my life. The first was when I volunteered in a 5k run for my sister’s high-school when I was about 6 years old. I completed that one too. No, I’m not patting my own back instead I’ve realised how much this event (and the preparations I made for this) managed to teach me a few things about myself.

It all started back in April 2007 when I felt I needed a change of lifestyle. You see, back in KL, my life was very much a schedule. Not that I follow the schedule religiously but it was organised (somewhat). In that schedule, I managed to include futsal which became a place to deposit any frustrations from work or home while breaking a sweat. And it worked too…I lost weight!

NZ is not really a football mad country though they do have a lunchtime indoor football league but I do not have a team to play in. Besides, my dodgy knees are also something to consider before I play football again. But you see, I always manage to find some excuse or another. So finally, I decided that I need to do some exercise.

It first started with some light jogging in the early hours around the wharf until it got too cold. Then the local gym gave away a free 1 month trial coupon. I was too self conscious of my own body at first. But in the end, my initial experience at the gym got me hooked. So now I’m in a 3 year membership with the gym. I must say, it really feels good running on the treadmill, working on weights…just sweating my body out. I finally understood what it meant being flat footed and the effects it can have on my knees when I run or play sports with less than adequate shoes. If I had heeded my mum’s advice much sooner, I may not have dodgy knees at all.

Anyway, whenever I run I would keep my mind ‘occupied’ with random thoughts. It varies from all sorts of things. But during the 10k run itself, I occupied my mind with childhood memories, memories of friends I left back home and I realised that life have a lot of similarities with distance running (or almost any other sports). In sports, as it is in life, you need to develop the endurance for it. You also need to pace yourself well to go the distance. Most importantly, I learned that “in the end, the race is only with yourself” to quote Mary Schmich.

It may sound selfish at a glance but look at it in the context self-improvement rather than to compare yourself with the next guy. Believe me, this is not easy to do but the philosophy of is sound and fair.

Do we really need to rush out in life to grab the best? To be the best? What is it worth being best If I'm not happy and content with my life? What good is the contest if you are incomplete?

Don't get me wrong, I would like to indulge in the latest gadgets and gizmos, cars, clothes but I think, the best way to face life is to pace yourself. Looking ahead at the next Kilometer of the race while keeping in mind the finish line. For now, this is my way of being realistic. While I struggle to finish my 10k...three words kept going in my head that helped me cross the line: "Small steps Fairul".

Just as it was in the run as it would be in my life, those three words remain important to me.

The bitter sweet memories (Part 1)

"What is love, oh baby don't hurt me...don't hurt me...no more" - Haddaway

What is love and how do we value it? If love for another stems from our emotions and desire, how do know we are in love of just infatuated? A thin line indeed....

I've had many love interest my life...but when I was in school, I could not differentiate between the two so I tend to fool myself into believing that the girl I was dating was the girl of my dreams. Call it naive but that was just the way it was then for me. You see, I was very late to enter the dating game. When most of my high school mates were busy chasing for phone numbers, there I was busying myself with the latest English Premier League statistics, latest football boots in the market, latest football magazine. I was an ardent fan of football!

Sure, there were some occasions when I tried (and failed miserably) to chat up girls. But these attempts were far and few between. Why? It all boils down to my self-confidence and self-esteem. I was a chubby kid for most parts of my life (I still think I am despite my 5' 9" and 75kg frame), very much a couch potato, not very bright or stimulating. At school I knew that girls tend to fancy the jocks, the bad boys and the wise-cracking, smooth-talking kids. I was non-of-the-above. I was shy, quiet at most times but when I do shoot off my mouth, I shot the wrong things - needless to say that annoys people. I was no better from the next guy...maybe I was even below the average guy...a social stigma if you like.

When I was 17, my gang was busy chasing girls...naturally, I had to partake in the activity right? Well...I certainly didn't want to be left-out. I started learning a thing or two about getting a girl's attention...but for some reason or another, my actions tend to fail me. Hell...I was an 80's kid stuck in the 90's so my interpretations of 'cool' was outdated my a decade! *Shake head*

I started to dabble with the dating game only when I had started college (and I still could not establish the difference between love and infatuations). It was all trial and error for my part. As I recall...my first attempt was made in the cafeteria and I after giving a dull speech, I was diplomatically shot down. If you've watched "There's something about Mary"...this girl had the same effect on a number of guys. So I ended seeking solace in football again.

The next girl I had my sights on was someone I’d label as an outrageously wild child. Now this girl was a very deep infatuation if there was ever such a meaning. She was 5' 1" and a half, petite and very sweet and innocent looking but listens to punk rock, brilliant in mind and strong in character. I had never met anyone quite like her before. Naturally, I developed a crush but her heart was owned by another guy and the more I press, the more complicated our relationship got. We ended playing games with each other...dispatching a series of mixed signals and I guess, I took the game too seriously while she probably knew how the game would end before it began. I bowed out in fear of losing our friendship completely. She eventually left for another college and I took myself to football field again.


End of Part 1

Beats, Bass and Keys

Last weekend IR and I went to the Boyz 2 Men concert at St. James theater. It was our second concert in less than six months. Not bad considering the last big concert I went (prior to these two) was the Bon Jovi concert in Stadium Shah Alam 11 years ago. That's right...eleven freakin' years ago. That says a lot about me. Indeed I'm not one who goes to gigs, rave parties or concerts. It's either they were too expensive or out of my way - Such as the Michael Jackson concert in KL/Simgapore, Black Eyed Peas, Alanis Morisette and U2. I guess it was missing out on U2 that made me realise what we're missing. I am a selective person by nature...so for me to drag my ass out to a concert, I would target great stage performers or exceptional talents. Now, who would've said no to Elton John and Boyz 2 Men. These guys are legend in their respective genres.

The Elton John concert was great for 2 main reasons: 1) He's songs are classic hits and 2) He's great at strutting those keys. My sister's reaction when I told them I was going was "Isn't that catered towards Dad's age group"? Hahaha...true to certain extent. But then again, Kiwi's have this natural love for live gigs. Besides, great performers often reach out towards all age groups. I was lucky to be seated near families and other young couples. Well..there were the odd drunk and joint smokers who tried in vain to rally the crowd. All in all, it was a good concert. Too bad I didn't do enough homework to partake in the customary sing-a-longs =p

The Boyz 2 Men/ K-Ci & Jojo act was even better. Not that I was a big fan but because this time the concert was held at the theater. Indoor, away from the cold, cozy and the music booms straight into my soul. Ahh...it was so good that IR cried when K-Ci & Jojo performed 'All my life'. Women =p

When Boyz 2 Men went up on stage it brought back so many school-age memories. All those love songs that kept me company through puppy-love breakups. Ok, let's no go there. They were just awesome. Since cameras were allowed (unlike the Elton John one despite being miles away) I was snapping away every so often. Thanks to the Gig on my camera phone I even managed to record a few short videos. The pictures aren't that great (typical of a camera phone) but it was alright. I was also jumping out of my seat too...like I said, great performers are well worth it. It's just amazing how 3 guys can produce such harmony. Now that's talent in my books.

I was in disbelief when a friend of mine inform me about the concert. Firstly, most big acts to hit NZ are normally held in Auckland or Christchurch only. Wellington is not a typical stop for them. Secondly, there was hardly any promotion for the boys. Not that I was aware off anyway. Sure, theres flyers postes and a highlight on the Breakfast show. But besides that, there wasn't any hype on their arrival. Until K-Ci & Jojo went on stage I was half-expecting a look-a-alike act. The ticket wasn't that expensive too. At $80 per person IR and I got a real bargain. Perhaps kiwis aren't really a big fan of RnB/Soul. It wasn't that hard for us to get tickets too unlike U2 ticket sales which disappeared within 2 hours of ticket sales nationwide! I regret missing out on U2. I know most of they're songs by heart and I really admire them for their ability to change and evolve pver the years. It was unfortunate that I couldn't afford the tickets and the cost of the trip to Auckland. We decided we're not going to miss the next U2 concert that is within our reach.

My sister text me during the Boy 2 Men conert telling me how lucky we were to be there. I replied back after the show telling her it was awesome but it did not top the Bon Jovi concert I went with her. It didn't care to me that Bon Jovi was playing in the middle of the week nor the fact that I had exams the next day. I had to be there during their Crossroads tour! I sang at the top my lungs which resulted in losing my voice for the rest of the week and kicked my heels all night. That night will always remain in heart. My sister was surprised I still remembered that night. How could I forget?

Aidilfitri

I've been keeping myself very busy over the last Ramadan month or so. I recently discovered that I do enjoy cooking although my patience for it need to be refined. It all started on the first day of Ramadan when we went to one of the many 'Malaysian' restaurants down town to buy Murtabak for break fast. I was drooling at the aromatic scent while eagerly waiting for the time to break my fast. When the time came and I took out a big chomp, I was crest fallen to find that the murtabak was very salty for my taste buds. I mean it was really salty ok. I was so dissappointed considering we paid $38 for 2 small murtabaks. Instantly I thought to myself "Right, I've got to master the art of making murtabak myself. Buying it is just not worth my good money". The next day, I started suring for a decent easy-to-follow murtabak recipe. I was complaining to my sister about my murtabak venture the night before on IM when she started to type in a roti recipe (we need to prepare the roti first). She was on the phone with my mum who was providing the wise instructions.

From there, things really started to snow ball into trying to perfect my murtbak and cheesecake baking skills, trying out new dishes and of course, preparing key dishes for Hari Raya. I'm quite happy with myself now that I've learned how to make Daging Kicap, Butter Chicken, Nasi Minyak, Beef Rendang, Nasi Goreng, Tart Nenas, Pandan Syrup, Bergedil and Baked Pacific Dory. Of course, the dishes aren't quite authentic (expecially my John Dory since it's nothing like the ones you get at Manhattan Fish Market) but it's good enough for self consumption. I still enjoy eating out though. In fact, eating out is becoming more of a 'tasting session' for me. I'd love to acquire more recipes.

Come Raya day (yesterday) I spent over 2 hours over the phone with my family and they seem proud that I've managed to pick up a habit in the kitchen. Poor Irma, her mum told her that she heard rumours that I've been busy over the stopve top instead of her. At least my would be mum-in-law would be at peace knowing that her daughter will be well looked after. Still, nothing beats Irma's onde-onde. You just got to try it I tell you...it's to die for.

Still nothing beats the cooking at home. Honestly, it's not so much the cooking but rather getting started that really hold me back. I'm still pretty poor at some of the basic stuff like cutting, chopping and dicing. Not very handy with the knife at all. At least not as handy as some people. And I hate chopping onions. How do we avoid getting teary eyed? I remember watching a cooking show some 10 odd years ago that one way to avoid it is to put the onions in the freezer for awhile before doing the deed. Of course, I'm a very cincai cook in most respects.

Raya for me is just like any other day - Afterall, I'm living in a country taht don't practice the celebrations. But this time around, I had a good time catching up with my family all 19 members of them (2 parents, 4 siblings, 2 brother-in-laws, 10 newphews and nieces, 1 nanny) and my uncle who happened to be at my parents'.

But I must say that my piece-de-resistance has to be my compilation of Hari Raya songs I made 2 weeks before raya. That really gives the raya mood a big boost. It was unfortunate that yesterday's weather was so horrible.

All in all, this year's ramadan and raya was rather fun for me personally. Funny how we learn to sharpen some of our hidden abilities when we're most desperate for something. Ironically, the one thing I crave for every now and then which I just seem to miserably fail at is a rather simple dish to make - Pete's Maggi Mee Goreng. I mean, how hard is it to make Maggi Mee Goreng? Every stalls in KL have them but I just can't seem to master the art. Well..maybe that should be my next culinary adventure.

Leaving home and the hassles of it all

mi·grate [ mi gràyt ]

Definition (Source: Encarta MSN):
1. move from place to place; Social Sciences intransitive verb to move from one region or country to another, often to seek work or other economic opportunities.

Yesterday I was asked how I broke it to my parents the idea of migrating over to NZ. Short answer: I pitched the idea in them as lucrative (for them) as possble. Sold them the idea that in the long run, it would be good for me, for them and possibly even for my siblings and their families.

In truth, I was really wasn't thinking at all. I just went with a gut feeling. And I hated the environment surrounding me at the time and was chronically unhappy with life. I'll be the first to admit that one can read me like a text book most times. That is how simple I try to keep things. My life at that time was bitter-sweet. On one hand I was exploring new things with little or no success and on the other hand, I was exploring new things. Though I somewhat enjoy a steady income, I made bad decisions which left me close to nothing at the end of the month. I was told that is normal for rookies but I felt that something was just not right with the way things were. So when the opportunity presents itself, I decided to leave home for good.

It wasn't a bad decision to leave home but I must admit that it was a poorly planned one. I knew it wasn't as easy as some may put it but I didn't think too much and perhaps over simplified my plan. Even when my decision was questioned, I justified it to others but secretly I wasn't convincing myself.

Poorly planned..why? Because I left with very little cash-in-hand, with some personal belongings, with practically no appointments waiting for me, nothing. Indeed I left home to nothing but a hope...and a very supportive partner.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her in the first place. I wouldn't have left the 'comforts' of home even if it sucks so bad every other day. I'd probably be jumping into a defferent industry to try and make things better and pray that my environment improved. Instead, I saw the opportunity as an adventure for the both of us and a possibility for us to achieve things we wouldn't normally be able to in KL. I don't think she'd be happy if she started her accounting career in KL. She might get on with it despite the environment but she would definitely be much better off here in NZ.

So needless to say, I struggled a lot upon coming back to NZ. We had to learn to live with each other, adjust to each other's ways and sometimes it could get rather strenous. But slowly we pulled through together. Then I had to adjust myself with my new environment. Things certainly changed a lot in two years. My friends that lived here changed a lot in two years. Most of them left for other things.

Immigration was another pickle to sort out. First I needed to get my work permit sorted out. Imagine, I moved here with a possibility of not succededing and moving back to KL within 3 months. The first application we made, we ended up wasting 4 hours in waiting only to be rejected. We had to overcome that and luckily for me (or us rather), my work permit was approved on my second application and I was on my way to look for a job. With the help of an old friend, I was offered to work with him on his new venture. It was not much to start off with but it helped put food on my plate and clothes on my back. Now I am able to help with the bills too with some change in my pocket.

The next step was to apply for permanent residency. I remember we had to endure stormy weather for that one. Patience, time and determination for both of us was required. We had to constantly be confident for one another. I think my friends who migrated overseas (Canada and US mostly) with the help of their respective local partners is very fortunate not to go through the uncertain times we had to endure. That being said, I'm sure they had to face their own version of uncertainties too.

We didn't hear from NZIS for months until one day, we were finally assigned a case officer. Things were slowly working our way. So much time and effort were made to get the neccessary documentations, paperwork, authentications done up and again, it was strenous times. But this time around, we were highly motivated.

The day we got our PR wasn't really how I imagined it to be. Champagne flowing, getting drunk like a skunk in joy, happy to seek greater opportunities. Instead, I was more relieved than happy that it was all over and done with. Maybe I was more in shock and disbelief that I pulled it off. What a tale...left with almost nothing but hope. Really, tribute must be paid to my partner for her support for without her, I'd be nothing. I think I still am nothing without her. Debts must be repaid to my parents and my family. If they hadn't cleared and provided me the way I wouldn't have succeeded.

Comparing today to this date last year, I think my partner and I are much happier, we've achieving a lot over the last 12 months and our careers are progressing smoothly. It's not perfect but most thing in life never are to begin with. Soon I'm hoping to develop myself further and enhace my range of skills. Hopefully, when I've achieved that I can kick start a desired career of my own. And perhaps start sending some money to my parents -Such an asian thing isn't it?-

My advise, when a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this presents itself, plan yourself ahead. Plan carefully and take all matters into consideration. But don't brood over it. You have to be positive, emotionally and mentally prepared - You will need all the patience in the world. Brooding will only encourage negative energy. Make sure some money is available, afterall money is a factor in this world. Tie up as many loose ends as possible before you leave. And finally, it pays to have a little faith in yourself and hope for the best. It's even better when you have an understanding, supporting, caring and loving partner by your side. At least you won't be so lonely. The other emotional stuff like missing home can be dealt with thanks to Voice over IP (VoIP), Instant messaging and call cards.

Smoking is not permitted in the lavatories

There was a time I had enjoyed flying. There was a time I shared the dream of million other kids...to fly high above the sky, to gracefully take off and land a plane. There was a time I dreamt at night becoming a pilot and travel.

Today, after 27 years , I've only materialised one half of my childhood dreams; the more common half at that too. Travelling seems to be one of the most common interest to all. Not all of us have had the opportunity to do so though. Forget being a pilot, I ditched that dream the instant I learned that my math must be grade A to be accepted in a commercial flying school. Either that or the cash to put myself through flyight school. I had neither when I was 17.

I should consider myself privileged to have travelled to many wonderful and interesting places from such a young age. Perhaps it was one of those perks being youngest in the family and being at the right age at a time when my parents travelled a lot for business and vacations. Lucky if you will.

I've seen the Alps, I've witnessed the changing of the guards, I've paid my respect to the great John F. Kennedy, I've touched the names of those who didn't return from Vietnam, I've kissed Al-hajar Al-aswad or The black stone of Kaaba twice in five years. I've walked on the steps of Borrobodur, Played on on the deck of HMS Belfast, hitch a ride on the Pirate of the Caribbean and enjoyed the Maid of the Mist at Niagara. The list goes on and on...shall I continue? How about a shopping spree at Bally factory in Arau, Switzerland or witnessing my first snow fall in Tokyo oh so long ago?

Of all my travels, nothing was more peaceful and serene than Bali though. Something about the place I just thoroughly enjoyed myself. From watching the "Barung Dance" to taking a deep in its waters. I'd like to go there again someday. When I was a kid, my excitement was on the plane ride itself. Those days whenever a passenger had an urge for a cigarette, all they had to do was go aft to the smoking section and enjoy a puff or two. Ironic that I wasn't smoking then. The last time I saw someone smoking on a plane was when my then brother-in-law when 'round the back of a 747 for puff. I was 11 years old.

These are the places I hope to travel someday: Paris - because it's paris, UK - for all its castles, Bora-Bora - to see if it beats Bali and perhaps, even home again one day. Not KL but rather places like Kluang, Chaah,Gemas, Mersing, Kampar, Bidoh, Kuala Kangsar, Tawau, Sandakan and much much more. One would not associate tourism with these places so much but there is the abundance of hidden beauty to it. The people, the social norms and so forth. The last time I was travelling in deep in Johor, I was travelling alone for work and my only regret is that I did it by myself and without anyone to share the experience with. It was so strange to see Malaysia and Malaysians for what it really is. I was emotionally touched by it.

I don't quite enjoy flying anymore. Maybe it's because of the way we have to struggle with aches and cramps in economy class. The narrow seats (though are improving) and clautrophobic space is really a wonder. Not even the amount gizmos now available on most airlines would keep my mind off from aches. Don't even get me started on the fella sitting in front of me. But there are alternatives I suppose...cars, boats, trains and busses.

Alright, I've decided that before I'm 35...these are the destinations I must travel to:

• Muar/Kluang/Kota Tinggi, Malaysia
• Kuala Kangsar, Malaysia
• Bali, Indonesia
• Sydney, Australia
• Gold Coast, Australia
• Bora-Bora, French Polynesia

And this time, I'd like to travel with someone