Divorce
Divorce [di váwrss]
1) official ending of a marriage
2) seperation
According to the encarta, the defination of divorce is an end of a journey...if you like. This morning I was informed that a couple I admire and respect are actually seperated. Albeit on a short-term basis. It wasn't my first to hear such news. Divorce, in my view, has now become a norm in many societies if not all the world over. But I can't help myself to feel defeated and sad on my friends behalf. Mind you, they probably know what they're doing and seperation may just serve as a temporary "time-out".
The first time I actually understood the implications of divorce is when one of my siblings underwent the procedure. That was in KL a decade ago or so. One may assume that it should not have affected a fourth party but somehow it did. I suppose, it's because my family is relatively close knit. In my observation, I felt that many of us weren't prepared for it and perhaps my parents didn't know what to do. Fair enough.
It was annoying that everyone was affected physically, mentally and financially. Especially my parents. In a selfish point-of-view, I too (along with the rest of my siblings) lost out due to the financial resource focused to my sister and her son. Not enough with that, sister also had the tendency to swith cars through her divorce and breakups with boyfriends. No, I don't know how that worked out. I suppose my father wanted to keep people happy.
Sister then re-marry her ex-husband to try and rekindle for the children's sake. Call it naive but again, credit for trying and failing. It only lasted 6 months and resulted in another baby. Sheesh, things costs this days....diapers, formula, clothes, etc,etc,etc.
I can go on and on about this sister of mine. But hey, she's had a lot to put up with. Physical abuse from 2 husbands and a total of 3 divorce. Yes, I witnessed it all. Or rather, we as a family.
She does not have my respect not because of what she's been through but because for a long while, she blamed the entire world but herself, expected sympathy and more over, she lead a pretty comfortable all-expense paid plus allowances lifestyle. I just can't respect free-loaders.
Another buddy of mine, got married at the tender age of 18. Had a baby soon after but divorced after 5 years. Wife left him for another women. He lost everything. Job, wife, child and maybe some friends too along the way. How do you put up with it?
It's not as if he didn't try. I think he poured his entire heart and soul into making things work for his family. One thing I know for certain is that he gave up a very bright future when he made his vow.
Sometimes I ponder on the value of tying the knot. The vow made on the occasion...was it left on that very occasion?
Everytime I'm asked to get married, I tend to make some lousy excuse. In many ways, I am simply terrified of the prospect. I don't want to be included in the statistics of divorcé. To me, it's epitome of failure. And there will be others who suffer...some more apparent then others.
It is sad to see your mates and your family go through it. Sometimes you can provide console, other times you're helpless and occasionally, for me, I just couldn't be bothered.
Where did it all go wrong?
I think it's not the anwer that matters so much but rather knowing where to go next and plan on getting there.
Time for me to enjoy the summer sun and the rest of the day.
posted by FiG @ 9:46 am
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