The bitter sweet memories (Part 1)

"What is love, oh baby don't hurt me...don't hurt me...no more" - Haddaway

What is love and how do we value it? If love for another stems from our emotions and desire, how do know we are in love of just infatuated? A thin line indeed....

I've had many love interest my life...but when I was in school, I could not differentiate between the two so I tend to fool myself into believing that the girl I was dating was the girl of my dreams. Call it naive but that was just the way it was then for me. You see, I was very late to enter the dating game. When most of my high school mates were busy chasing for phone numbers, there I was busying myself with the latest English Premier League statistics, latest football boots in the market, latest football magazine. I was an ardent fan of football!

Sure, there were some occasions when I tried (and failed miserably) to chat up girls. But these attempts were far and few between. Why? It all boils down to my self-confidence and self-esteem. I was a chubby kid for most parts of my life (I still think I am despite my 5' 9" and 75kg frame), very much a couch potato, not very bright or stimulating. At school I knew that girls tend to fancy the jocks, the bad boys and the wise-cracking, smooth-talking kids. I was non-of-the-above. I was shy, quiet at most times but when I do shoot off my mouth, I shot the wrong things - needless to say that annoys people. I was no better from the next guy...maybe I was even below the average guy...a social stigma if you like.

When I was 17, my gang was busy chasing girls...naturally, I had to partake in the activity right? Well...I certainly didn't want to be left-out. I started learning a thing or two about getting a girl's attention...but for some reason or another, my actions tend to fail me. Hell...I was an 80's kid stuck in the 90's so my interpretations of 'cool' was outdated my a decade! *Shake head*

I started to dabble with the dating game only when I had started college (and I still could not establish the difference between love and infatuations). It was all trial and error for my part. As I recall...my first attempt was made in the cafeteria and I after giving a dull speech, I was diplomatically shot down. If you've watched "There's something about Mary"...this girl had the same effect on a number of guys. So I ended seeking solace in football again.

The next girl I had my sights on was someone I’d label as an outrageously wild child. Now this girl was a very deep infatuation if there was ever such a meaning. She was 5' 1" and a half, petite and very sweet and innocent looking but listens to punk rock, brilliant in mind and strong in character. I had never met anyone quite like her before. Naturally, I developed a crush but her heart was owned by another guy and the more I press, the more complicated our relationship got. We ended playing games with each other...dispatching a series of mixed signals and I guess, I took the game too seriously while she probably knew how the game would end before it began. I bowed out in fear of losing our friendship completely. She eventually left for another college and I took myself to football field again.


End of Part 1